Amelia, a perfectionist, was crushed, bitterly disappointed, devastated. Depressed, she likened her failure to the cliché “snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.” She had been confident that this time – finally – she would achieve her aim. A lover of literature and retired after a successful career as a lawyer, she aspired to write and took a series of workshops in fiction. She focused on short stories. The switch from the semi-incomprehensible formality of legal prose was like a breath of fresh air. Amelia’s friends thought her stories were excellent and they couldn’t have been more complimentary. Her writing instructors encouraged her to submit her work to journals for publication. “You’re a great talent,” said several of her instructors, making her swell with pride to the point of believing them. She submitted one story after another: some to local magazines, some to prestigious nationally read magazines. Slowly her confidence deflated, rejection by rejection. It was always the same. “Thanks for submitting your story, but it doesn’t fit our criteria,” or some equivalent, unhelpful reason.
“I can’t take this much longer,” she told her husband, who unfortunately didn’t understand her despondency.
“What do you expect, Amelia? You’re a lawyer, not a writer. Aren’t you having fun writing anyway? I like your stories.”
Fuck that, she thought. I need a victory, something that no one else has achieved. This isn’t a game; it’s not about having fun. It’s about winning.
Needless to say, Amelia was ridiculously, and I might add, destructively, competitive. Never mind. She had a plan. She was good at getting rejected. More than good; she had a perfect record after two years of submissions. You can’t beat that for consistent rejections. Her plan was to submit the same ten stories and a few new ones to diverse magazines of every type with a goal of obtaining 1000 rejections in one year. That would be quite an accomplishment, perhaps even leading to another unpublishable short story.
It was working! She had 999 rejections so far. Extrapolating from the rate of rejections she’d received this was definitely going to work. She would be a winner. A thousand rejections in one year! What a brilliantly conceived victory, an attack on the establishment, all legal. She was using her strength rather than wallowing in her weakness.
And then…oh my god…with only ten days left for a final rejection and victory…yes…how disappointing…her short story about a midget who craved to be a professional basketball player was accepted for publication in The New Yorker.
There are some people who are born losers.
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